This is suppose to be theroputic so here lies my new blog. Its not here for comments. Think what you want. I'm not making huge deals about it. This is me being me. Thoughts that I'm thinking. No mask. No fake smile. No notifications for you to follow. If you want to follow its on you to check in.
Now for the real life stuff. My brother died almost 3 months ago and its been the craziest experiance of my life. Its like all of a sudden my smile isnt real, but I'm good at the mask. People are real good at asking how I feel and how Im doing but when I come unglued finally are a little lost.
I miss my brother more than ever. I remember the phone call 3 months ago and feeling in total denial that he was gone. I remember 2 months ago kicking my best friend out of my life because upon her insensitivty I realized she was not a great friend. I won't start this out by lying. I miss her, but it was a distructive relationship and I am better without it. Gods been here the whole time whispering loudly that he loves me and that he has never left. He listens to my rants and is slowly helping me put my life back together. Its a very slow grewling process. In that whole process i am trying to be the godly example Gods created me to be. I dont think Im passing that test but the important thing is that I'm trying right?
School is hard because I haven't told anyone I just lost a brother. I dont want the stigma or the pity grades. If and when I make it through school I want it to be because I worked hard and I earned the degree I receive. So for now I will keep pretending like nothing is wrong and continue on with life as I am expected to. I dont know when Ill be on here next but I guess well find out
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